State of the Unicorn. I mean Union.

Well, yesterday I was too busy yammering on about my deceased fish that I forgot to post my Official Thoughts (tm) about Tuesday evening's State of the Union address. Unfortunately (or not), I fell asleep during the speech, so I can really only comment on about the first 30 minutes, which mostly consisted of the pomp and circumstance (what the hell does that mean, anyway) leading up to the speech.

I think more Americans would watch the State of the Union if it were treated like one of the many game shows. What's the game show with Howie "look ma, no hair!" Mandel and the briefcases? I think that members of congress should all be wearing little black dresses (yes, I mean you, Ted Kennedy!) and holding briefcases. The president would have to pick a member of congress, who would open their briefcase. The briefcase would contain a topic on which the president must speak for a minimum of 2 minutes. There would also be a special elimination round wherein he would actually have to explain his positions.

My other idea was to have everyone wear those wigs, like in British Parliament.

Anyway, back to the speech. I was pleased that Bush didn't sound like a big arrogant prick this time (well, at least before I fell alseep). However, I really wish he would have had to elaborate on things. For example, he said we're supposed to cut our gas consumption by 20% in the next 10 years. Um, yeah. First of all, 20 percent over 10 years isn't very ambitious. And second, how flipping convenient to put forth a 10 year goal, when he's in office for another 2 years. Brilliant. Also, how does he propose we cut consumption? Is he going to even suggest that people not buy ugly hulking SUVs and actually walk somewhere instead of driving? I'd like to see that.

Did anyone else notice Dick Cheney looking under the table on more than one occasion? What the hell was under there? I was concerned that he was hiding a gun down there, and that he would use it to shoot Nancy Pelosi in the face. It's his M.O., don't you know?