I am the Door Whisperer

Before last weekend, I had installed precisely two storm doors in my lifetime. It was not a fun procedure, but not impossible. My dad helped me with the first one. I installed the 2nd one myself. It pretty much took all day, but that's probably because it was December, and it was really really cold outside and I wasn't exactly moving quickly.

There are people who install storm doors for you. Why wouldn't I hire them, you might ask. Well, because I'm not made of money, I might say. Plus, why would I hire someone to do something I can do myself? I am always up for a project involving math! The side supports have to be cut at an angle to match the threshold angle. So that involves two measurements that have to be transferred from the threshold to the side supports. No big deal, right?

As a brief background, storm doors are measured by the width of the door opening. They might come in a 32", 34", or in our case, 36" width. They are all 80" high, which is a standard door opening height. This is all well and good if your door is the aforementioned 80" high. Much to my dismay, I discovered that our back door (where I was installing Ye Olde Storm Door) was in fact 79" high. Did I mention that the storm door is metal? OH, what a glorious day I had! Many choice words were exchanged between myself and the door. Cutting through the aluminum part of the door wasn't too bad. Many doors have a foam core, which would have been cut through fairly easily. However, my door was of course comprised of the densest fiberboard I have ever encountered, and appeared to come from a galaxy far, far away. I broke a number of my METAL cutting discs on this thing. Oh, plus my dad has my sawhorses so I had to make a makeshift platform out of a couple recycling bins. Good times! After my last cutting disc broke, I had to stop work and go out to Home Depot to replenish my supply. At that point I did not care that I was leaving the house in paint-stained sweatpants and an oil-stained tshirt. I was going to Home Depot, after all. I don't trust people who go to Home Depot and look a little too neat, anyway.

So, I go back home and continue with the cutting of the door. It is not a pretty sight, and eventually I had to get out a chisel and a hammer to complete the job. I got the door to what seemed to be an acceptable height (or, if you are my dad, "heith") and put on the door sweep, and hung the mo-fo. It was okay, but not great. I ended up taking the door BACK off (there is a reason you don't remove a door once it is hung)and trimmed about another 1/4" off and then hung it once more. Hooray! It opens; it closes. Delightful. I am not particularly enamored with the latching mechanism, but of course I have some modifications in store for that baby.

I present, for your utter amazement, the door: