Healthology

Once again I am left to solve this nation's problems. As you may have heard, Dick Cheney recently had a little case of DVT. This does not, I found out after thorough research, stand for Democrats Vowing Treason. No, it actually stands for Deep Vein Thrombosis, which I'm sure is just as life threatening to Mr. Cheney. As a service to my readers, I have compiled a time line of Cheney's hospitalizations. As a reminder, this is the guy who is second in command. Of the country. I hope you appreciate that I have spent valuable minutes of my work day on this task.

Since I am not one to merely identify a problem, I will present you with my solution:

Joan Rivers. She's what, 800 years old? This woman is held together by Botox and the fear of a stiff Santa Ana wind. Yet she manages to get to work. Speaking of which, she can clearly work while intoxicated. This is the woman I want to be our second in command. The United States of America can count on Joan Rivers to pull through in the event of a transfer of power. She'll do so with style and grace. And if that doesn't work, she'll bonk you on the head with her microphone.